Im ADDICTED to it.... like bad. im on it ALL the time. coming up with new and cheep ideas to make MY house feel like a home.... which by the way!!!!... we're moving out on saturday!!!! :) yes yes! FINALY! i mean, we've loved living at my parents house... but its time for us birds to leave momma birds nest. and i couldnt be more excited about it!! its such a cute LITTLE place. its still close to my moms house, and close to my job. so thats a plus. down side, its in the GHETTO!! like... for reals. but we love it because its our place. right?.. right!
Anyways. pinterest. i love it. and its given my A TON of new ideas. and i think, i like it.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Friday, August 26, 2011
TYSON DANIEL FORBES= BIGGEST JERK ON THE FACE OF THE PLANT
You see this face??!?!!? This is the guy i dated all through highschool, up untill i met Tanner fall of senior year. Thank my lucky stars for that. Tyson was everything a girl could have wanted in a boyfriend. he spoiled me, bought my lunch almost everyday, always got my door, gave me complements all the time!! Just an all around good guy.
What a lie all of that actaully is. This is the most evil, muliputive, controlling, freak i will ever have had the pleassure to know. Doesn't this picture of him just scream "im a total douche bag, who things im sexy stuff and i could get any girl i want" ?!?!?! I'll answer this question for you, YES!!!! It does look like that. the sad thing is, he totally knows it too. He knows he is such a loser, and so pathrtic.
He so kindly last night Drunk text me. BIG MISTAKE bro. And ill tell you what, this fool right here, is going down. HARD. Im talking restaining orders, pressing charges of any kind of his Ugly Mug. He surely will regret the things he said to me, about me and about my family. I would LOVE to go into detail of all sorts, but that would take WAY to much of your time. Just know, he crossed the line. Big time. So for that all i have to say to him is "You screwed yourself her tyson, you did it to yourself." watch out world, im on a crazy high, and I will NOT go down without a fight.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Im not depressed
I feel like it sometimes, and i think that i should go see a therapist or something, so i could talk about my feelings, and get everything out that I think needs to be said. I think about the past a lot, especially when something doesn’t go right during my day. This is pretty often. I think about high school, if i would have put myself out there more, would i have had friends? Would i have been popular? I should have joined the track team. I’m a good runner; i had a 6 min. mile. (Of course not anymore) would i have gotten back together with Tyson... i hope not. Then i think, how would have my past year, if i had not gotten pregnant, turned out? How different i would be. What type of person i would have become?
I know that having a baby so young really affected the outcome of my life. i am slowly excepting that. But some days it feels harder than others. I wish i could just enroll in college, go to dorm parties, and hang out with my "friends" till all hours of the night. But i can’t. What makes these feelings hurt even more, is knowing that i took down Tanner with me. I took away the life he could have had. The mission he could have served. And that is the hardest thing to except.
i know tanner loves me, and cares about me, but sometimes i honestly worry that we won’t make it. It’s hard to say and even harder to type for the world to read (and by world i mean those 3 people) who knows if he would have wanted to marry me, because he WANTED to. Not because we were having a baby. I know that’s not why he married me, and I’m not accusing him of it at all. But i ask him questions all the time and i know i shouldn’t, but i do. And last night i got an answer i wasn’t expecting to hear at all.
i asked him, " Tanner, if we wouldn’t have gotten pregnant, where do you think you would be right now?"
To this he replied, "honestly...probably with Phillip." to all of you who don’t know who Phillip is, its tanner best friends since he was... 9? They do EVERYTHING together. And there pretty much the same person. Phillip decided to take his first school year of college off and to go to Hawaii.
That was Tanners dream! To bum it on the beach. No joke. Well... not dream, but something he has always wanted to do. And i know i got that answer because i asked, but i did not want to hear THAT. Tanner knows that he wanted to go on a mission, he's mom drilled it into him ever since he was like 4 that when boys turn 19 they go on a mission, come home, go to college, THEN get married in the temple and have babies; hence why she hates me. But that’s a different story. But i single handedly took that dream away from him. I turned his world, and mine upside down.
We talk about getting sealed this year a lot. But sometimes, i know this sounds bad, i don’t think we should. It’s not that we're unworthy, because we don’t drink, smoke, nothing. We are worthy people now to go through the temple. (Well in October we will be) but that’s a BIG decision to make. I love Tanner. And I love Remmington, with all of my heart and soul I love them, but I don’t know if I can. You don’t need to comment on how terrible that is, because I already know. And it’s not that I have “commitment issues” Because I am married, and I love one man and one man and only,
but that is such a big step to make.
I wish i really did have friends. I don’t know who will read this, and I don’t mean to offend anyone. But, Amy, she moved away, to start her life and to experience new things. And I am genially happy for her.
Katie, you stopped talking to me after I told you that I was pregnant. Best friends since 6th grade, and I get the cold shoulder? Right on.
Kiri, I love you to death girl, and you know it. We have gotten so close to each other but I feel like we’re in different spots in our lives each isn’t a bad thing, but I feel like we are just growing apart.
Karly, we go back to 10th grade, on SCHS Dance Company. You made it so fun girl, and yeah we hang out every so often, but we are just…so different, in all the best ways, it’s a shame we don’t hang out anymore.
Not to mention all the guy friends I had. Which I don’t anymoreJ which I’m fine with, by all means. But I seriously have no girlfriends. And all the girls who I knew in high school who got pregnant the same time I did are still in high school!! And aren’t married and live with their boyfriends, who are such pricks! And I do not connect with them at all.
Tanner is my best friend and I am his, but I need a girlfriend, there are still certain things I can’t talk about with Tanner that I could with a girl. And all the women in my “young married couple ward” are all at least 6 years older than Tanner and I. I just feel so alone and so disconnected with the world, and even my own family. I just feel like I do not belong. And it’s the worst feeling in the world.
I'm not depressed, but sometimes, i sure feel like it.
Monday, August 15, 2011
"Path"
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Bathroom Talk
" In general, Pride is at the bottom of all great mistakes" - Steven H. Coogler
Oh, how right you are Coogler man. For instence, PUBLIC RESTROOMS..... who got together with the Idiocy commity and just thought "Hey, lets make everyone in the world feel EXTREMLY awkward. Lets do Public Restrooms......No Jerry, let me finish, not just one mens room with one toliet and one womens with one toliet; lets just put a whole bunch of toliets in one room and indivdualive them with a tin wall." Seriously people. Not the smartst choice ive ever seen made.
While on one of many D.I. runs I go one with my hubby, I descovered that i do not like to use public restrooms. Everything is always wet, smelly, and I swear everytime i choose the stall who was previously occupied by a person who APPARENTLY had Mexican food for lunch.
Some ideas arent the best. Ill just leave it at that.
For men, you just walk in, whip it out and do "yo bid-nes" in the urinal. But, for ladies, this is a bit more of a production. For instence:
The Tortoise and the Hare – These people drive me INSANE. These are the people that time their bathroom breaks like they are running a marathon. They literally marathon pee – they pee in a minute tops. I’ve never seen anything like it. What is your hurry? I guess I pee more like the Tortoise. I take my time…slow and steady. These people that come in and pee ridiculously fast actually give me anxiety. I don’t want to have an panic attack, because i cant keep up, every time I go to the bathroom because you’re in some crazy race with yourself to be the quickest pee-er in the world. Congratulations! You peed in 49 seconds flat. It’s a new Olympic record.
What is this world coming too I ask!?! Seriously people, take your time. enjoy it. Dont mess the up the Public bathroom just because YOU dont have to clean it up. Thats just not nice, its called a PUBLIC restroom for a reason.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Trip from Hell
I got back from a "family get together" earlier today. it was.... interesting. I have all sorts of mixed feelings. some i wish i didnt have, and others i just want to keep around, for old times sake.
Tanner has a brother. Kolby. He is rude, annoying, and irogant. He thinks he knows everything, and he is ALWAYS putting my husband down. which i dont like. he says things for instance, at breakfast if tanner ate his eggs over easy, kolby would say, "thats a womans meal. a real man would eat em' sunside up". he just never has anything intelligent to say. sometimes when he talks, in my head i compare what he's saying to nails on a chalk board, and i still think that the chalk board is more interesting.
well kolby has a wife, beth, who is expecting there first little "bundle of joy" on October 16, which so happens to be tanner and mine anniversary. there having a girl. they want to name her Zeva. No, im not lying. Zeva. Poor girl, eh? anywho!, well beth she is as equal dual and dumbwitted as kolby, but she is twice as annoying because she's pregnant, and everything is about her. and she couldnt be more thrilled about that.
my mother in law was not very pleased to find out that i was pregant with her 1st grandchild. she never felt my tummy when remmi kicked. she never asked me how i felt. she never asked to be there when we found out what we were having. she never dared to ask if she could be in the dilivery room when my first son was born. yet, she ALWAYS had rude things to say like, "i know your haivng a boy becuase you have a lot of facial hair".. um, who in there right mind would EVER say anything so repugnant to a pregnant woman, who is already fat, irritable, and doesnt sleep well. my mother inlaw thats who.
so my weekend. angie, my mother in law, held remmi a total of....drum roll please..... 4 times. in three days, she also hasnt seen him since he was 4 months. he'll be 7 months in a week. how sad is that ,eh? but she must have felt that buying him size 6 months clothes made for winter time, in the dead heat of the summer, might compensate for the lack of love she shows toward my son.
kolby the whole time kept telling my son to shut-up and to stop drolling. oh how i CANNOT wait to see the kind of father he'll be. he'll probably be the proud kind. the type that thinks his children are heaven sent and can do no wrong.
Angie kept feeling Zeva move and laughing when she'd kick hard. she kept on mocking the shirt kinsey(tanners 17 yr old sister) was wearing... which used to mine but i gave it to her. Tanner and i had to jump from cabin to cabin, becuase his uncle kicked us out of his so that his daughter and her boyfriend could sleep there, so we had to move to tanners parents hid-away couch with remmi sleeping and snoring right next to us, then to his grandparents cabin, in there bed and remmi in the room next to us. we had to pack up our stuff each time we slept somewhere new, and i was the one usually caring it. not that tanner is impolite, its just that he doesnt realise that he should he the one caring daiper bag, pack-n-play, and our duffle bag. not the car seat and remmington. he is silly. i went on 2 four wheeler rides with tanner, always while remmi was sleeping so that no one would have to hold him, or watch him. we took remmi on his first ride also. he enjoyed that.
tanner asked me on sunday to go for a horse ride with him. i have never rode a horse in my life because i am allergic to them. but i put on my happy face and said sure. he then helped me onto my horse, Sassy. and he got onto him, ryker. i thought when he said go on a ride "with him"...he ment id be sitting behind him....not on another horse completly. so here i am, knees locked, heart raceing a millon beats per second, a scetchy blader that doesnt alway alert me when i have to go, on top of a BEAST 20 times bigger then me. You could only imagine my face. i was HORRIFIED! beyond that, i did not want to ride that horse, and i know it did not want me as a passenger.
my bum still hurts room that damn horse. but i didnt fall off, and my eye balls didnt swell shut, and my lungs stopped burning after a couple cups of water.
remmi stepped on a thorn, because angie took him up to there grandparents cabin and had him in an old school walker, with no shoes on, outside. she isnt the sharpest tool in the shed as you can tell.
Nobody talked to me, and i seriously sat in doors the whole time. the whole family went for a ride, but angie so kindly reminded me that "someone will have to stay here while remmi sleeps, while the rest of us go for an hour and a half ride"....no crap, of course im going to stay behind while my son sleeps. tanner stayed to.
the trip was a joke and i wondered the whole time i was there why i went. but then i remembered that i went for my hubby, becuase i love him, and i want him to have fun. he promised that i would have fun as well, but we cant keep all of our promises. so in a nut shell that was my trip from hell.
Tanner has a brother. Kolby. He is rude, annoying, and irogant. He thinks he knows everything, and he is ALWAYS putting my husband down. which i dont like. he says things for instance, at breakfast if tanner ate his eggs over easy, kolby would say, "thats a womans meal. a real man would eat em' sunside up". he just never has anything intelligent to say. sometimes when he talks, in my head i compare what he's saying to nails on a chalk board, and i still think that the chalk board is more interesting.
well kolby has a wife, beth, who is expecting there first little "bundle of joy" on October 16, which so happens to be tanner and mine anniversary. there having a girl. they want to name her Zeva. No, im not lying. Zeva. Poor girl, eh? anywho!, well beth she is as equal dual and dumbwitted as kolby, but she is twice as annoying because she's pregnant, and everything is about her. and she couldnt be more thrilled about that.
my mother in law was not very pleased to find out that i was pregant with her 1st grandchild. she never felt my tummy when remmi kicked. she never asked me how i felt. she never asked to be there when we found out what we were having. she never dared to ask if she could be in the dilivery room when my first son was born. yet, she ALWAYS had rude things to say like, "i know your haivng a boy becuase you have a lot of facial hair".. um, who in there right mind would EVER say anything so repugnant to a pregnant woman, who is already fat, irritable, and doesnt sleep well. my mother inlaw thats who.
so my weekend. angie, my mother in law, held remmi a total of....drum roll please..... 4 times. in three days, she also hasnt seen him since he was 4 months. he'll be 7 months in a week. how sad is that ,eh? but she must have felt that buying him size 6 months clothes made for winter time, in the dead heat of the summer, might compensate for the lack of love she shows toward my son.
kolby the whole time kept telling my son to shut-up and to stop drolling. oh how i CANNOT wait to see the kind of father he'll be. he'll probably be the proud kind. the type that thinks his children are heaven sent and can do no wrong.
Angie kept feeling Zeva move and laughing when she'd kick hard. she kept on mocking the shirt kinsey(tanners 17 yr old sister) was wearing... which used to mine but i gave it to her. Tanner and i had to jump from cabin to cabin, becuase his uncle kicked us out of his so that his daughter and her boyfriend could sleep there, so we had to move to tanners parents hid-away couch with remmi sleeping and snoring right next to us, then to his grandparents cabin, in there bed and remmi in the room next to us. we had to pack up our stuff each time we slept somewhere new, and i was the one usually caring it. not that tanner is impolite, its just that he doesnt realise that he should he the one caring daiper bag, pack-n-play, and our duffle bag. not the car seat and remmington. he is silly. i went on 2 four wheeler rides with tanner, always while remmi was sleeping so that no one would have to hold him, or watch him. we took remmi on his first ride also. he enjoyed that.
tanner asked me on sunday to go for a horse ride with him. i have never rode a horse in my life because i am allergic to them. but i put on my happy face and said sure. he then helped me onto my horse, Sassy. and he got onto him, ryker. i thought when he said go on a ride "with him"...he ment id be sitting behind him....not on another horse completly. so here i am, knees locked, heart raceing a millon beats per second, a scetchy blader that doesnt alway alert me when i have to go, on top of a BEAST 20 times bigger then me. You could only imagine my face. i was HORRIFIED! beyond that, i did not want to ride that horse, and i know it did not want me as a passenger.
my bum still hurts room that damn horse. but i didnt fall off, and my eye balls didnt swell shut, and my lungs stopped burning after a couple cups of water.
remmi stepped on a thorn, because angie took him up to there grandparents cabin and had him in an old school walker, with no shoes on, outside. she isnt the sharpest tool in the shed as you can tell.
Nobody talked to me, and i seriously sat in doors the whole time. the whole family went for a ride, but angie so kindly reminded me that "someone will have to stay here while remmi sleeps, while the rest of us go for an hour and a half ride"....no crap, of course im going to stay behind while my son sleeps. tanner stayed to.
the trip was a joke and i wondered the whole time i was there why i went. but then i remembered that i went for my hubby, becuase i love him, and i want him to have fun. he promised that i would have fun as well, but we cant keep all of our promises. so in a nut shell that was my trip from hell.
Monday, July 18, 2011
"ah ha moments in life"
I had one today.
Screw em'. everyone! SCREW EM' ALL. all the people who put me down. who say rude things, just to get a reaction out of me. I DONT CARE. your not nice. and when your not nice, i dont like you. so for now, we're not friends.
i had a really good talk today with one of my good friends. she has 6 adorable kids, and a lovely hubby that loves the crap outta her. she invited me, completly out of the blue, to come down ,to a family friend of hers, house to sit and talk and to just relax for a bit by the pool.
we started talking about the latest "scandal" on my FB page(which btw is deleted because those ppl decided they didnt want to look like the "bad guys" in this) and she could not believe that that was happening to me. and this random guy came up to us, over hearing our conversation of course, and put his two cents in. and what he said honest made a huge impact on me and my life. and i know that this random conversation with this random man with always stay with me.
he came over, putting his hand on my shoulder and said, " whatever your going through right now, will make you a stronger person. these people who have affened you and your small family need to think one thing, and one thing only. WWJD? honestly!? he would be so proud of you for making the hard and difficult steps toward getting a temple marriage. and he can see in your heart that these intentions you have are pure. and that you are a good person. you shouldnt have to worry about what people think, especailly family. but if these people are giveing you a hard time, and treating you bad, they are NOT worth your time."
he then began to apologies for eves dropping on our conversation, which we thanked him for his thoughts and told him he was sweet. he later came over again and said, "i just realised why i was drawn to you, and why i like you so much. you share the same name as my youngest daughter in-law. Carly is a very sweet girl, and we love her so. so you bebrave, because your heavenly father will get you though this."
whoever he was, he was sent to me for a reason. i needed this talk more then ever before. and i thank him publicly, for all 4 people who actaully read this, so they know how much i apprecaite it and love him for that.
i know my heavenly father is looking out for me, and sending me little angles along my way to help me get through this. and i know that you all, espaecailly those who have commented my last post, have helped me in one way or another and i am lucky to have you in my life. because those kind words which were said helped me through taday. and i have had to remind my self today of the great friends that god has blessed me with and how much i love you all, and need you. and i thank you guy for being you, and for picking me up when i fell down.
Screw em'. everyone! SCREW EM' ALL. all the people who put me down. who say rude things, just to get a reaction out of me. I DONT CARE. your not nice. and when your not nice, i dont like you. so for now, we're not friends.
i had a really good talk today with one of my good friends. she has 6 adorable kids, and a lovely hubby that loves the crap outta her. she invited me, completly out of the blue, to come down ,to a family friend of hers, house to sit and talk and to just relax for a bit by the pool.
we started talking about the latest "scandal" on my FB page(which btw is deleted because those ppl decided they didnt want to look like the "bad guys" in this) and she could not believe that that was happening to me. and this random guy came up to us, over hearing our conversation of course, and put his two cents in. and what he said honest made a huge impact on me and my life. and i know that this random conversation with this random man with always stay with me.
he came over, putting his hand on my shoulder and said, " whatever your going through right now, will make you a stronger person. these people who have affened you and your small family need to think one thing, and one thing only. WWJD? honestly!? he would be so proud of you for making the hard and difficult steps toward getting a temple marriage. and he can see in your heart that these intentions you have are pure. and that you are a good person. you shouldnt have to worry about what people think, especailly family. but if these people are giveing you a hard time, and treating you bad, they are NOT worth your time."
he then began to apologies for eves dropping on our conversation, which we thanked him for his thoughts and told him he was sweet. he later came over again and said, "i just realised why i was drawn to you, and why i like you so much. you share the same name as my youngest daughter in-law. Carly is a very sweet girl, and we love her so. so you bebrave, because your heavenly father will get you though this."
whoever he was, he was sent to me for a reason. i needed this talk more then ever before. and i thank him publicly, for all 4 people who actaully read this, so they know how much i apprecaite it and love him for that.
i know my heavenly father is looking out for me, and sending me little angles along my way to help me get through this. and i know that you all, espaecailly those who have commented my last post, have helped me in one way or another and i am lucky to have you in my life. because those kind words which were said helped me through taday. and i have had to remind my self today of the great friends that god has blessed me with and how much i love you all, and need you. and i thank you guy for being you, and for picking me up when i fell down.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
....
Today is such a crappy day. i feel like the whole world is pushing againts me, and im just slowly tipping over while a wave of bull-shit rushes over me, trying to slam me to the ground. AUG!!!!!! i seriously im so hurt. isn't the famous saying "friends come and go, but family always stays" today feels completly opposite.
i have a pounding headach, a baby screaming in his bed, and im full of all these emotions i cant explain. why is it when things just start getting good, something smacks you down, right back on your ass. i need a vaction. i need to get away. i want to shave my head so i have one less thing to worry about. i want to wear a pretty dress so i feel good inside, again. i need to lose weight. i want to feel happy. and to feel like i make my husband happy too.
Remmi is still crying and i dont know how to make him stop. he needs to sleep, but he wont. and its seriously giving me a headach.
today was suppost to such a great day. then i get on FB, and find two comments from two different family members. both saying things so rude that i just sat there and cried. how can someone you see almost everyday, say such harsh things? when i clearly already know what there saying is true. do i come across to then as dumb, and they think they need to tell me i "have it good".... living at your parents house with your husband and son, because your so poor that you can afford anything, isnt "having it good".
People dont know how bad i feel. how stupid i feel going to church, and feeling everyones eyes on me and my small family. what are they thinking? do i really want to know? sometimes i feel i should stop going, let them "win" let them keeping thinking what they want about me. but then i realise "i have a family who loves me, who will do anything for me, and who doesnt care what other people think about me"....then i see these comments... how do i go on?...how do i continue to put on my "brave face" and try to go through the rest of my day?
Sometimes i feel like this is all one big dream. and that when i wake up, ill feel great. ill get dressed. fit in my size 5's and go to school then straight to my job afterwards. then ill come home eat dinner and read a book and fall asleep in my bed ,alone....... but then my dreams end and i wake up. theres a man snoring next to me, and baby crying in the room next to mine. and i laugh at myself for thinking such absrud things could ever be true. im a young mother, and its hard. i love my little family with everything that im made of. and i would do anything for them. but days like this, make me feel like i want to curl up in a small ball and die. let someone else deal with my problems for awhile.
i need a vaction.
i need a break. and im ashamed to admit that.
i have a pounding headach, a baby screaming in his bed, and im full of all these emotions i cant explain. why is it when things just start getting good, something smacks you down, right back on your ass. i need a vaction. i need to get away. i want to shave my head so i have one less thing to worry about. i want to wear a pretty dress so i feel good inside, again. i need to lose weight. i want to feel happy. and to feel like i make my husband happy too.
Remmi is still crying and i dont know how to make him stop. he needs to sleep, but he wont. and its seriously giving me a headach.
today was suppost to such a great day. then i get on FB, and find two comments from two different family members. both saying things so rude that i just sat there and cried. how can someone you see almost everyday, say such harsh things? when i clearly already know what there saying is true. do i come across to then as dumb, and they think they need to tell me i "have it good".... living at your parents house with your husband and son, because your so poor that you can afford anything, isnt "having it good".
People dont know how bad i feel. how stupid i feel going to church, and feeling everyones eyes on me and my small family. what are they thinking? do i really want to know? sometimes i feel i should stop going, let them "win" let them keeping thinking what they want about me. but then i realise "i have a family who loves me, who will do anything for me, and who doesnt care what other people think about me"....then i see these comments... how do i go on?...how do i continue to put on my "brave face" and try to go through the rest of my day?
Sometimes i feel like this is all one big dream. and that when i wake up, ill feel great. ill get dressed. fit in my size 5's and go to school then straight to my job afterwards. then ill come home eat dinner and read a book and fall asleep in my bed ,alone....... but then my dreams end and i wake up. theres a man snoring next to me, and baby crying in the room next to mine. and i laugh at myself for thinking such absrud things could ever be true. im a young mother, and its hard. i love my little family with everything that im made of. and i would do anything for them. but days like this, make me feel like i want to curl up in a small ball and die. let someone else deal with my problems for awhile.
i need a vaction.
i need a break. and im ashamed to admit that.
Friday, July 15, 2011
What a way to Start my day
Today was...interesting. in the less bit. i woke up to tanner suddenly realizing that he was late for his car appointment. dont you just hate that feeling?! waking up and not even have to look at the clock to know that your late for something? its like you internal instic kicks in all of a sudden and you just know that something is wrong the second you wake up. OH, and the feeling pulsing threw your vains when you wake up! it is like nothing else! what a wonderful...and strange miconism we have inside of us.
Anyhow! so tanner went to his car appointment (are A/C doesnt work. the main cause of death in st.george! ;).... or maybe just the main cause of tension and hatred) and now i was up from having a heart attack from my rude awakening. so i make my way down stairs, geta bowl of fruit loops and turn on the TV. of course NOTHING WAS ON at 8am. except for re-runs.
so i click on "teen mom" im pretty sure everyone on here know what that is, but just in case!, its about 10 or so girls who get pregnant at 16, still in high school and the second seasion of the show is called "teen mom" and it just fallows the first life of there child, and how everything is going for the new moms now.
so im watching this and it was the "adoption specail" about the 3 teens in all 5 seasions who picked adoption and went through with it. on the first session there was this girl on there names Katelyn and she and her boyfriend (also her step brother...weird i know) picked adoption for there daughter Carley(what a GREAT name btw) who is now 3 years old! the adoptive parents decided to do something very specail for kately and tyler, they let the camara's come into there house and video tape a regualar day with carley in there life.
IT WAS THE SWEETEST THING IVE EVER SEEN!!! her birth father was just BALLING, no under statement! then i noticed that i stoped eating...which is weird because i love my food, because i was seriously blubbering!!! just hysterical sobs! and i couldnt stop!
whats happen to me?! i was tough. i didnt let anyone see me cry, and i hardly ever did so! but here i am, crying my eyes out. like a child who fell off there bike and skid there knee. i'de blame pregnancy hormons, but im not pregnant. BUT, i do think that since i had Remmi, i am more senstive. not in the sense of " you hit me, it hurts, kiss it better. but in the way that i see things that are to good to be true and they touch me. my heart. and i dont know any other way to show these expressions, except to just cry. and cry.
so 15 minutes later, i pull my "big girl panties" back on, get a tissue, and calm down. it was such a strange feeling that i had to turn on, " the zodiac" and watched that from start to finish, just to feel less like a little girl.
On the bright side, i found a super cute dress at "Motherhood Maternity" that tanner said i can buy tomorrow, and the shoes my mom bought me in new mexico will look amazing with it! cant wait for sunday!
I love/hate days like these.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
A Day in the Life of Me
Ive realized something about lil' ol' me last night. im very plane. or maybe just extremly conventional. why do i say this you ask? well, its a funny story actually. i was laying in bed last night talking to tanner about his day, he told me about life gaurding and how it can be rewarding. i just sat there listening to his stories of pulling kids out of the water, who werent being watched by there parents. he continued to tell me about his day as i went into my " zombie mode" trying to imagine his stories in my head.
So it was to my surprise to hear him asking ME how MY day was. I blinked a couple times and point blankly said, "Remmi pooped twice today." how sad is that?...the highlight of my day was wiping my sons bum. so i am going to share with you "A Day in the Life on Me"
Sad, isnt it? If my life were a movie, i wouldnt even go see it.with that said i should add that i dont have a negative attitude about it. i have to think about the positives that i recieve out of motherhood. like i have the most wonderful husband who loves me and who would do anything for me. i have the CUTEST son in the whole world who just makes my life complete in everyway.
motherhood is the calling in life that ive always wants to have and i feel so blessed to have such a great little family to share it with. minus the mothers who look at my blog, i know that most of my friends couldnt do this, not at this age anyhow. and i feel proud to be able to say that yes, i am a teen mom, but age is just a number, it has nothing to do with your "ability". so if any of you find youself in my postion one day, dont be scared. just know that one day youll have your own" A Day in the Life of Me" list. and you will be PROUD to share it with others, just like i am.
So it was to my surprise to hear him asking ME how MY day was. I blinked a couple times and point blankly said, "Remmi pooped twice today." how sad is that?...the highlight of my day was wiping my sons bum. so i am going to share with you "A Day in the Life on Me"
- wake up and get remmi out of bed
- snuggle my boys in bed
- change remmi's diaper
- feed him cereal
- give him a bottle
- change him again
- wrap him up in a blanket and rock him to sleep
- he sleeps for an hour and wakes up
- change him
- he watches "your baby can read" while i shower
- finish getting ready
- give him a bottle
- put him down for a nap
- i pick up my house and eat lunch
- kiss tanner good-bye before he leaves for work
- remmi wakes up 3 hr later
- change him
- give him a bath
- snuggle
- play
- feed him cereal
- feed him a bottle
- tummy time
- make dinner
- eat dinner
- pick up dinner
- tanner gets home
- get remmi ready for bed
- give him his last bottle
- put him down for bed
- get ready for bed
- snuggle tanner, talk, or watch some tv for a bit
- go to bed
- Wake up, Repeat
Sad, isnt it? If my life were a movie, i wouldnt even go see it.with that said i should add that i dont have a negative attitude about it. i have to think about the positives that i recieve out of motherhood. like i have the most wonderful husband who loves me and who would do anything for me. i have the CUTEST son in the whole world who just makes my life complete in everyway.
motherhood is the calling in life that ive always wants to have and i feel so blessed to have such a great little family to share it with. minus the mothers who look at my blog, i know that most of my friends couldnt do this, not at this age anyhow. and i feel proud to be able to say that yes, i am a teen mom, but age is just a number, it has nothing to do with your "ability". so if any of you find youself in my postion one day, dont be scared. just know that one day youll have your own" A Day in the Life of Me" list. and you will be PROUD to share it with others, just like i am.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
I am me, and no one else
For all of my future "fallowers", how few the number might be, there is something you should know about this blog. it will be different. like nothing else you've seen. it wont have correct grammar, or have camas in the right place. i write things down quickly and never look for mistakes.
This blog will be more like a journal for me, so if you choose not to view it after this post, i understand. though i do have quite the opinion on my outake on life.
so enjoy.
Because, I am me, and no one else.
This blog will be more like a journal for me, so if you choose not to view it after this post, i understand. though i do have quite the opinion on my outake on life.
so enjoy.
Because, I am me, and no one else.
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