Sunday, September 25, 2011

Im ADDICTED to it.... like bad. im on it ALL the time. coming up with new and cheep ideas to make MY house feel like a home.... which by the way!!!!... we're moving out on saturday!!!! :) yes yes! FINALY! i mean, we've loved living at my parents house... but its time for us birds to leave momma birds nest. and i couldnt be more excited about it!! its such a cute LITTLE place. its still close to my moms house, and close to my job. so thats a plus. down side, its in the GHETTO!! like... for reals. but we love it because its our place. right?.. right!

Anyways. pinterest. i love it. and its given my A TON of new ideas. and i think, i like it.

Friday, August 26, 2011


World meet THEE biggest jerk face,Tyson Daniel Forbes. Tyson, go screw yourself.

You see this face??!?!!? This is the guy i dated all through highschool, up untill i met Tanner fall of senior year. Thank my lucky stars for that. Tyson was everything a girl could have wanted in a boyfriend. he spoiled me, bought my lunch almost everyday, always got my door, gave me complements all the time!! Just an all around good guy.

What a lie all of that actaully is. This is the most evil, muliputive, controlling, freak i will ever have had the pleassure to know. Doesn't this picture of him just scream "im a total douche bag, who things im sexy stuff and i could get any girl i want" ?!?!?! I'll answer this question for you, YES!!!! It does look like that. the sad thing is, he totally knows it too. He knows he is such a loser, and so pathrtic.

He so kindly last night Drunk text me. BIG MISTAKE bro. And ill tell you what, this fool right here, is going down. HARD. Im talking restaining orders, pressing charges of any kind of his Ugly Mug. He surely will regret the things he said to me, about me and about my family. I would LOVE to go into detail of all sorts, but that would take WAY to much of your time. Just know, he crossed the line. Big time. So for that all i have to say to him is "You screwed yourself her tyson, you did it to yourself." watch out world, im on a crazy high, and I will NOT go down without a fight.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Im not depressed

I feel like it sometimes, and i think that i should go see a therapist or something, so i could talk about my feelings, and get everything out that I think needs to be said. I think about the past a lot, especially when something doesn’t go right during my day. This is pretty often. I think about high school, if i would have put myself out there more, would i have had friends? Would i have been popular? I should have joined the track team. I’m a good runner; i had a 6 min. mile. (Of course not anymore) would i have gotten back together with Tyson... i hope not. Then i think, how would have my past year, if i had not gotten pregnant, turned out? How different i would be. What type of person i would have become?

I know that having a baby so young really affected the outcome of my life. i am slowly excepting that. But some days it feels harder than others. I wish i could just enroll in college, go to dorm parties, and hang out with my "friends" till all hours of the night. But i can’t. What makes these feelings hurt even more, is knowing that i took down Tanner with me. I took away the life he could have had. The mission he could have served. And that is the hardest thing to except.

i know tanner loves me, and cares about me, but sometimes i honestly worry that we won’t make it. It’s hard to say and even harder to type for the world to read (and by world i mean those 3 people) who knows if he would have wanted to marry me, because he WANTED to. Not because we were having a baby. I know that’s not why he married me, and I’m not accusing him of it at all. But i ask him questions all the time and i know i shouldn’t, but i do. And last night i got an answer i wasn’t expecting to hear at all.

 i asked him, " Tanner, if we wouldn’t have gotten pregnant, where do you think you would be right now?"

To this he replied, "honestly...probably with Phillip." to all of you who don’t know who Phillip is, its tanner best friends since he was... 9? They do EVERYTHING together. And there pretty much the same person. Phillip decided to take his first school year of college off and to go to Hawaii.

That was Tanners dream! To bum it on the beach. No joke. Well... not dream, but something he has always wanted to do. And i know i got that answer because i asked, but i did not want to hear THAT. Tanner knows that he wanted to go on a mission, he's mom drilled it into him ever since he was like 4 that when boys turn 19 they go on a mission, come home, go to college, THEN get married in the temple and have babies; hence why she hates me. But that’s a different story. But i single handedly took that dream away from him. I turned his world, and mine upside down.

We talk about getting sealed this year a lot. But sometimes, i know this sounds bad, i don’t think we should. It’s not that we're unworthy, because we don’t drink, smoke, nothing. We are worthy people now to go through the temple. (Well in October we will be) but that’s a BIG decision to make. I love Tanner. And I love Remmington, with all of my heart and soul I love them, but I don’t know if I can. You don’t need to comment on how terrible that is, because I already know. And it’s not that I have “commitment issues” Because I am married, and I love one man and one man and only,
but that is such a big step to make.
I wish i really did have friends. I don’t know who will read this, and I don’t mean to offend anyone. But, Amy, she moved away, to start her life and to experience new things. And I am genially happy for her.
 Katie, you stopped talking to me after I told you that I was pregnant. Best friends since 6th grade, and I get the cold shoulder?  Right on.
Kiri, I love you to death girl, and you know it. We have gotten so close to each other but I feel like we’re in different spots in our lives each isn’t a bad thing, but I feel like we are just growing apart.
Karly, we go back to 10th grade, on SCHS Dance Company.  You made it so fun girl, and yeah we hang out every so often, but we are just…so different, in all the best ways, it’s a shame we don’t hang out anymore.
Not to mention all the guy friends I had. Which I don’t anymoreJ which I’m fine with, by all means. But I seriously have no girlfriends. And all the girls who I knew in high school who got pregnant the same time I did are still in high school!! And aren’t married and live with their boyfriends, who are such pricks! And I do not connect with them at all.

Tanner is my best friend and I am his, but I need a girlfriend, there are still certain things I can’t talk about with Tanner that I could with a girl. And all the women in my “young married couple ward” are all at least 6 years older than Tanner and I. I just feel so alone and so disconnected with the world, and even my own family. I just feel like I do not belong. And it’s the worst feeling in the world.
I'm not depressed, but sometimes, i sure feel like it.

Monday, August 15, 2011


"In order to choose the right path, we do not have to figure out the wrong one ~ we just need to follow the light."

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Bathroom Talk

" In general, Pride is at the bottom of all great mistakes"
- Steven H. Coogler

Oh, how right you are Coogler man. For instence, PUBLIC RESTROOMS..... who got together with the Idiocy commity and just thought "Hey, lets make everyone in the world feel EXTREMLY awkward. Lets do Public Restrooms......No Jerry, let me finish, not just one mens room with one toliet and one womens with one toliet; lets just put a whole bunch of toliets in one room and indivdualive them with a tin wall." Seriously people. Not the smartst choice ive ever seen made.

While on one of many D.I. runs I go one with my hubby, I descovered that i do not like to use public restrooms. Everything is always wet, smelly, and I swear everytime i  choose the stall who was previously occupied by a person who APPARENTLY had Mexican food for lunch.

Some ideas arent the best. Ill just leave it at that.

I know all bathroom talk is frank – and probably pretty gross – but the fact of the matter is we all go to the bathroom and at some time in our lives we will all be forced to use a public bathroom.  Nothing is more annoying than people lacking proper etiquette in this shared space.

For men, you just walk in, whip it out and do "yo bid-nes" in the urinal. But, for ladies, this is a bit more of a production. For instence:

The Tortoise and the Hare – These people drive me INSANE.  These are the people that time their bathroom breaks like they are running a marathon.  They literally marathon pee – they pee in a minute tops.  I’ve never seen anything like it.  What is your hurry?  I guess I pee more like the Tortoise.  I take my time…slow and steady.  These people that come in and pee ridiculously fast actually give me anxiety.  I don’t want to have an panic attack, because i cant keep up, every time I go to the bathroom because you’re in some crazy race with yourself to be the quickest pee-er in the world.  Congratulations!  You peed in 49 seconds flat.  It’s a new Olympic record.

What is this world coming too I ask!?! Seriously people, take your time. enjoy it. Dont mess the up the Public bathroom just because YOU dont have to clean it up. Thats just not nice, its called a PUBLIC restroom for a reason.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Trip from Hell

I got back from a "family get together" earlier today. it was.... interesting. I have all sorts of mixed feelings. some i wish i didnt have, and others i just want to keep around, for old times sake.

Tanner has a brother. Kolby. He is rude, annoying, and irogant. He thinks he knows everything, and he is ALWAYS putting my husband down. which i dont like. he says things for instance, at breakfast if tanner ate his eggs over easy, kolby would say, "thats a womans meal. a real man would eat em' sunside up". he just never has anything intelligent to say. sometimes when he talks, in my head i compare what he's saying to nails on a chalk board, and i still think that the chalk board is more interesting.

well kolby has a wife, beth, who is expecting there first little "bundle of joy" on October 16, which so happens to be tanner and mine anniversary. there having a girl. they want to name her Zeva. No, im not lying. Zeva. Poor girl, eh? anywho!, well beth she is as equal dual and dumbwitted as kolby, but she is twice as annoying because she's pregnant, and everything is about her. and she couldnt be more thrilled about that.

my mother in law was not very pleased to find out that i was pregant with her 1st grandchild. she never felt my tummy when remmi kicked. she never asked me how i felt. she never asked to be there when we found out what we were having. she never dared to ask if she could be in the dilivery room when my first son was born. yet, she ALWAYS had rude things to say like, "i know your haivng a boy becuase you have a lot of facial hair".. um, who in there right mind would EVER say anything so repugnant to a pregnant woman, who is already fat, irritable, and doesnt sleep well. my mother inlaw thats who.

so my weekend. angie, my mother in law, held remmi a total of....drum roll please..... 4 times. in three days, she also hasnt seen him since he was 4 months. he'll be 7 months in a week. how sad is that ,eh? but she must have felt that buying him size 6 months clothes made for winter time, in the dead heat of the summer, might compensate for the lack of love she shows toward my son.

kolby the whole time kept telling my son to shut-up and to stop drolling. oh how i CANNOT wait to see the kind of father he'll be. he'll probably be the proud kind. the type that thinks his children are heaven sent and can do no wrong.

Angie kept feeling Zeva move and laughing when she'd kick hard. she kept on mocking the shirt kinsey(tanners 17 yr old sister) was wearing... which used to mine but i gave it to her. Tanner and i had to jump from cabin to cabin, becuase his uncle kicked us out of his so that his daughter and her boyfriend could sleep there, so we had to move to tanners parents hid-away couch with remmi sleeping and snoring right next to us, then to his grandparents cabin, in there bed and remmi in the room next to us. we had to pack up our stuff each time we slept somewhere new, and i was the one usually caring it. not that tanner is impolite, its just that he doesnt realise that he should he the one caring daiper bag, pack-n-play, and our duffle bag. not the car seat and remmington. he is silly. i went on 2 four wheeler rides with tanner, always while remmi was sleeping so that no one would have to hold him, or watch him. we took remmi on his first ride also. he enjoyed that.

tanner asked me on sunday to go for a horse ride with him. i have never rode a horse in my life because i am allergic to them. but i put on my happy face and said sure. he then helped me onto my horse, Sassy. and he got onto him, ryker. i thought when he said go on a ride "with him"...he ment id be sitting behind him....not on another horse completly. so here i am, knees locked, heart raceing a millon beats per second, a scetchy blader that doesnt alway alert me when i have to go, on top of a BEAST 20 times bigger then me. You could only imagine my face. i was HORRIFIED! beyond that, i did not want to ride that horse, and i know it did not want me as a passenger.

my bum still hurts room that damn horse. but i didnt fall off, and my eye balls didnt swell shut, and my lungs stopped burning after a couple cups of water.

remmi stepped on a thorn, because angie took him up to there grandparents cabin and had him in an old school walker, with no shoes on, outside. she isnt the sharpest tool in the shed as you can tell.

Nobody talked to me, and i seriously sat in doors the whole time. the whole family went for a ride, but angie so kindly reminded me that "someone will have to stay here while remmi sleeps, while the rest of us go for an hour and a half ride" crap, of course im going to stay behind while my son sleeps. tanner stayed to.

the trip was a joke and i wondered the whole time i was there why i went. but then i remembered that i went for my hubby, becuase i love him, and i want him to have fun. he promised that i would have fun as well, but we cant keep all of our promises. so in a nut shell that was my trip from hell.